


Zounds!

by Styfas



Category: Good Guys (TV 2010)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24657349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Styfas/pseuds/Styfas
Summary: Jack finally figures out why Dan has been speaking so strangely as of late.
Relationships: Jack Bailey & Dan Stark
Comments: 2





	Zounds!

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters of Jack Bailey and Dan Stark do not belong to me. Rather, they belong to Matt Nix, Colin Hanks, Bradley Whitford, and the FOX Television Network. I am merely borrowing these characters for this totally non-profit work of fan fiction, and I promise to give them back after the final sentence – at least until I begin my next fiction…

The punk has been handcuffed, and the backup force has taken him out of the liquor store that he had ransacked. Fortunately, no one had been hurt in the scuffle, but now Detectives Jack Bailey and Dan Stark have more work to do.

“All right, Dan, let’s gather up the evidence. Did you bring the kit?”

Dan answers his partner with a pompous tone of disbelief. “ZOUNDS!”

“ _Excuse me_?”

“My Good Sir, canst thou not _see_ that verily the weapon is right in front of thy countenance?”

“Yes, I do! Jeez, Dan, would you please speak English?“

“I prithee, partner, cast thine eyes upon the ground, where the failed weapon now lies in uneasy repose.”

“For Pete’s sake, I know. I see it. Now, quit fooling around and get it into the plastic bag. Now!”

“Patience, milord.” Dan ceremoniously dons a latex glove, slides the weapon onto a pencil, and drops it into a plastic bag. “The task is completed, milord.”

“Stop calling me that! And speaking of patience, you have been seriously trying mine today!”

“My humblest apologies. ‘Twas never my intention to offend thee.”

Jack rolls his eyes. He’s been listening to Dan’s strange language since they met at the office this morning. When they received the call, they sped over in the Trans Am – or “The Mighty Steed,” as Dan had termed it. They had successfully busted the punk before he could depart the premises – and through the entire procedure, Dan had been speaking like he was some strange Elizabethan character.

He thinks more about his partner’s behavior. Two weeks ago, Dan had admitted to reading Star Trek fan fiction. That’s when he had started talking about driving the Trans Am at “Warp Speed” when giving chase. At every question Jack would ask during the course of an investigation, Dan would begin his reply with the words “Logic would dictate.”

Last week, Jack had been subjected to Dan’s Harry Potter fan fiction phase. At every bar they had visited, Dan had tried to order butterbeer. “Accio Waitress!” Dan had cried out more than once when needing refills of whatever type of beer he had conceded to order. Lieutenant Ana Ruiz had been labeled as “The Dark Lord” for the week (never mind that she was female), and Detective Hodges had been likened to a House Elf in appearance.

Jack wonders what Dan’s current fan fiction obsession could be. He decides to venture a guess.

“Is it Shakespeare this week, Dan?”  
  
“Gadzooks! How couldst thou not properly discern?”  
  
“Just tell me, for crying out loud.”

“Merlin!”

Really bad Merlin fan fiction at that, Jack thinks. He’s seen the TV show; they don’t talk like this at all.  
  
“Good Sir, we hath busted a punk!” Dan announces. “Methinks a tankard of ale and a plate of oysters would be a most welcome celebratory repast.”  
  
Jack sighs and finally gives in to the game. “Yea. Verily.”

But as the detectives leave the crime scene, Jack is determined to find some good CSI fan fiction to recommend to Dan tomorrow morning. Maybe that way he’ll finally get his partner back. 


End file.
